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Amores

Hola:

Escribo esta carta con la esperanza de terminar con el largo tiempo en que no he podido verte ni saber nada de ti. Entiendo que vives rodeada de tus ocupaciones y que la vida va tanto mejor de lo que hubieras pensado hace unos meses. Me da tanto gusto escuchar buenas cosas cuando tu nombre sale en las conversaciones, por casualidad o por una deliberación absoluta, que pierdo el sentido del tiempo y no me queda más que dedicar algunos de pensamientos hacia ti.

Recuerdo ahora cómo supe que lo de nosotros era diferente: fue cuando me abrazaste tan fuerte que empezaste a llorar, cuando nos besamos en la luz tenue, cuando te emocionabas por lo que decía o tal vez antes, y no me di cuenta. Este post es todo para ti, como no había sido ningún otro en mucho tiempo. Y es que hace tanto que me olvidé del amor que me dediqué a no buscarlo, a no tenerlo, a ignorarlo, a dejarlo ir o simplemente lo guardé todo para mi, en una desesperada maniobra por tratar de salvar el barco. No sé si lo he salvado.

Ahora sé que estás mejor, porque nos queda eso al pensar en la vida de los demás, pero yo no estoy seguro de estarlo sin ti. No sé si estoy preparado para que vuelvas, tal vez no ahora, tal vez no así. Hoy no tengo alma, sueños, esperanzas, ofrendas o recuerdos que ofrecer para que te quedes aqui, porque te he dado cada una de esas cosas en cada uno de los momentos que he podido pasar a tu lado.

Tal vez ahora, que no tengo absolutamente nada, pueda darme cuenta de que estoy tan poco preparado para que vengas. No obstante, estoy dispuesto a correr cada uno de los riesgos por un solo segundo de la gloria de tenerte a ti. ¿Vendrás? La respuesta es tan inútil como el futuro mismo, no existe más que cada segundo que estoy viviendo y que se evapora con el siguiente. Cualquiera que sea tu destino, hoy quiero pedirte perdón (Je suis désolé, I'm sorry, Mi dispiace,Es tut mir leid,Мне жаль) en cualquiera de las formas en que pueda hacerlo.

Esperando tener la oportunidad de verte nuevamente en algún momento, dedico a ti mis mejores pensamientos.

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