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Saber que me quieres

Te quiero... y luego qué? Ya sabía que tú sabías, ya sabía que tú sentías, sabía que éramos de nosotros mismos. Pero qué sigue después? Para qué sirve decirlo? 

Te quiero tanto como te he querido siempre, tal vez cada segundo un poco más. Desde el primer momento que vi tus ojos en el corredor, desde el primer instante que te quedaste en mi sonrisa. 

Te quiero y no entiendo para qué sirve, cómo funciona, a dónde nos va a llevar. Que te quiero y que me quieres eso está seguro. Pero que lo escribas no quitará el frío de las noches. No va a parar esta ansiedad de saber que no estás.

Saber que me quieres no se ha llevado mis miedos, no ha borrado esta frívola costumbre de perder días y noches pensando en ti. Ni aún seguro de que hay algo que no se aleja si te vas. No han transformado tus palabras ni uno de mis alientos, no he podido hacer algo útil del amor.

Saber que me quieres me está destrozando. Me gustaba más el hombre que decías que no querías, con el que no existía posibilidad de estar con él. Me gustaba quien no enfermaba por verte, quien buscaba un orden después del Apocalipsis de saber que no ibas a estar. Me gustaba el que se dormía temprano, el que hacía deportes, el que no te imagina en cada rincón.

Saber que me quieres se ha convertido en una tragedia en la que tiempo y espacio se revuelven y me hacen vomitar. Saberme querido me vuelve ansioso, me agrega vértigo y me tiene aturdido pensando si mañana me querrás, si esta noche me has olvidado. No digamos los espantosos sueños donde no estás.

Saber que me quieres se ha llevado las esperanzas de que algún día me querrás. Se han ido las millones de historias, he estrenado una sonrisa de imbecil. Tus palabras me han quitado lo fantoche, se han llevado la poesía y esa estupida melancolía que tanto sirve para conquistar. 

Saber que me quieres se ha llevado innumerables besos que sólo quiero recibir de ti. Me ha privado de borracheras interminables que sólo quiero vivir contigo, me ha quitado la sed de ver otro cuerpo desnudo porque no hay más eternidad que tu vientre, porque no hay más amanecer que tu piel. 

Saber que me quieres es maravilloso, aunque aún no sé para qué.

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