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No dormir

Creo que hoy perdí algo, y algo muy importante. Perdí a alguien en quien pude encontrar sobre todas las cosas, paz. Es triste cuando piensas que todo va mejorando y que tu vida es un poco menos miserable de lo que era hace un tiempo, hasta que algo delgado y lindo se rompe.

El insomnio se parece al sinsentido de estas palabras, es seco y no te deja respirar, pero tampoco te permite alejarte y pensar que todo va a pasar. Jamás había pensado en el insomnio como un enemigo, porque muchas noches fue un compañero que permitía darse un tiempo de paz cuando todo es oscuro y callado.

Pero hoy el insomnio duele, y duele despacito y tranquilito. El insomnio de hoy tiene ese amargo sabor de una mala mañana, se siente como una resaca sin alcohol, como algo que va apretándote, tal vez porque pude evitarlo.

Estas noches me dedico a pensar si estoy destinado a dar dos pasos atrás una vez que decidí avanzar el primero, decepción de una noche de nueva primavera...

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Fears

I'm afraid of becoming different. I'm fearful of one morning being another person, of thinking too much, of questioning everything and trying to get away melancholy. I'm terrified of knowing everyone, of saying hello to all those people and remembering their names, of not being timid, of being a kind and friendly person the people says I am. Of course, I am not that. I don't keep a smile on my life; neither is nice nor sexy. I am too worried about thinking all time, about the conversations with myself and the healthy practices of waking up early, reading a lot, exercise and not eat meat. What will happen to me in this way? What will I become on this road? What will I do with the vacuum of no pain? I don't want to be that handsome guy, I don't want the cute smiling I see on the mirrors every morning, I don't want to smell sweet. I don't know what is happening; I don't know what is different now. I want my obscure Mondays; I need my unsolved dramas, th...

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Writing again

Dear JC, It's peculiar, isn't it, how the mind clings to memories, especially those we wish to forget? Some nights, I find myself ensnared in a web of dreams, each thread woven with echoes of you. You, who dominated my thoughts, still reign in the kingdom of my nighttime musings. I remember, with an unsettling clarity, every encounter, every word, and every smirk. The way your laughter would echo down hallways, a haunting melody that played on all my strings. The cold glint in your eyes as you found new ways to assert your dominance, your power, unyielding and absolute. In these dreams, I revisit those days, each detail meticulously preserved in the museum of my mind. The corridors, once mundane, now seem like twisted labyrinths in my dreams, with you as the ever-present Minotaur, both feared and revered. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever think of those days. Do you ever recall the weight of your words and actions? Or have they dissolved into the ether, insignificant and forgotte...