Ir al contenido principal

I've been here before...

I've felt this before. I'm tired of this situations, but I've felt this kind of confusion. It's exhausting. I'm sick of the sadness, the reflexive moments, the lost period, the stupid things and ridiculous consequences because I'm always too far away. I don't want to be saved, but I don't want to be lost. I'm tired of the drama.


I just want to go, find a place, feel the sun... I don't want to feel this over and over again. I don't want to get lost. I don't want drugs, I don't want pain, I don't want sex, nothing will be able to heal this. The cure should be much more straightforward. The cure should not be avoidance.


The cure neither is someone else. Every situation has lived inside my head and made the person who I'm now, but it's difficult to accept that. I've made of pain and blood. I'm just the remnants of what I wanted to be, but the remnants are still there.


I don't want to be the result of this moments, but every time is harder to hide. I'm walking like dead, but I'm still walking around. For the first time, I want to be smart.


The mechanism is now perverse if I feel the pain I have to decide. But if I need to make decisions I look for the pain, because it is the situation I know I can choose. I've made so many mistakes because of my pain. I don't want to decide based on that.


For now, it is the route. I'm my past as I am my decisions now. It's time to clean on; I'm so tired to carry one more thing.
Etiquetas:

Comentarios

Publicar un comentario

Entradas populares de este blog

I cannot write about you

My mind is blocked when I'm writing a word on you. There's no reason, no bad feeling, no pain, but I know the appropriation is mine. Your memories are mine; I don't want even share them with my writing. The memories of you are apart from the world; they are far away. They don't live in the fire, and the passion of handwriting but they live there, enough, permanent. I know, however, you're made of all of the elements. The fire lives on you but is calm and shiny, comforting, balanced. I've been heating by those flames so many times that I got used to getting burned. I'm used to your water also. Patient and infinite, wise and eternal. Full of life but wild and destructive. I've been drinking for a long time but I'm always thirsty.  I've also seen the passion, and the wild wind, but I'd better like to remember the soft touch of your hands in my hands. You are the elements together, and the perfection of someone I've renounced and I'm not ...
Publicar un comentario
Leer más

Mono blanco en la nieve

He despertado con la misma ansiedad de cada mes.  Atrapado en la misma botella. Estoy cubierto, estoy desnudo, no importa. Conozco ahora la rutina sobrevivir a lo que hay afuera, aunque nunca vaya a salir. No hay diferencia o distancia, cuan grande o pequeño sea el camino. Sigo siendo un momento, una señal, un punto. Le he ganado al tiempo y me muevo despacio. Despertar al alma sería imperdonable, pero hago el suficiente ruido para que sepa que sigo siendo yo. Sólo por hoy en un momento, en un señal en un punto. Sigo siendo yo. Un mono blanco en la nieve  
Publicar un comentario
Leer más

Dreaming

Have you dreamed about you? How do you dream? Do you dream? Your questions are killing me at the same time that I'm trying to transform the sleeping time on peace. I'm not up; I'm not sleeping, but your inquiries are just there. It's just casual! I said, at the same time, I'm trying to defend myself from my real thoughts. Would it be possible that I'm taking something from her when I've got you in my nights? What does that mean? You wake me up again. It's the third time in this week you say her name; you're saying upset and naked. I'm allegedly screaming my love for her, everything in my dreams, with the complicity of the night. I deliberately don't remember any detail; I don't know what are you talking about. There's no real explanation on that. It's only in my dreams. I barely remember her, but she's there. I have a solid routine to make everything except thinking, excel filling my thoughts. I'm trying to feed every seco...
Publicar un comentario
Leer más